And part of the secret for me was that this happiness thing and this getting over the loneliness thing was life and death , right ? The suicide thing made it like in death . I said , I'm either gonna live as blissfully as humanly possible or I'm not gonna live .
I was like the only thing that's gonna fix this is drugs and drugs have a great purpose and they can help us to cross this bridge that sometimes seems um uncross in our lives , which is from depression . Uh even suicidal ideation to a place where you can then begin to actually take action . Because the challenge with depression is that you often feel a lack of motivation .
They certainly couldn't or wouldn't be able to understand my loneliness and my depression . And it eventually led me to a place where I seriously contemplated and then decided that I would kill myself . And so I remember researching the means and methods to do that .
And so in that period of time , however , I started finding and discovering lots and lots of fantastic data and science that let me know first and foremost that I wasn't alone . And as I continued to dig , uh dig and dive deeper into the research , I read a lot of stories about a lot of people that had felt exactly the way I had felt in terms of being lonely and isolated , feeling misunderstood or not understood at all , deeply depressed , you know , beyond dysphoria and who would even contemplated and maybe like me gone further and done something around the suicide , right , or something to complete or execute against the suicide . So in any case , that was about , it was over two decades ago and the entire time all I really did was research and apply everything humanly possible to solve for loneliness and depression and to become essentially a happy person .
I discovered that I was having fewer suicidal thoughts and when they would occur a surface , they would sort of stay or visit for a shorter period of time and it would be less intense . And then I remember eventually getting to a place where I realized I hadn't thought about suicide or I felt that I wanted to kill myself for at least a full , full day straight . And then next thing I know it was a week , you know , and then before I , now that I look back , it's probably , you know , it's two decades , right ?
